Celebrating Singleness

 I was old when I got married.
I was 35. 
In the South, most people are married by the age of 25.  Originally, I wanted to be married way before 25.  I wanted to be married with at least a kid by that time.  Lets all laugh together.  But basically I was a geriatric bride for societal standards.

I watched all of my friends get married.  I attended every shower, bridal brunch, bachelorette party, and wedding/reception.  I bought registry gift after registry gift longing for the day that I would get to create a registry.  I stood up in bridesmaid dresses praying for the day I could trade the colored dress in for the white one.  I planned shower after shower dreaming of the day I would be the guest of honor.

God had other plans.

I struggled with His plan in this area of my life.
To be fair, I'm a control freak to the maximum degree. 
Even that is an understatement. 
There aren't words for how much control I like to have.

But, specifically related to my singleness, I struggled.

And I fought with God about it.
"Wouldn't I make a good wife?" was a question I frequently asked Him.  Or "what does that married girl have that I don't?"  
 I was ugly sometimes, y'all.

The devil got into my thoughts all the time, telling me I wouldn't make a good wife or that nobody would ever want to be married to me.  He would point out my flaws that made me feel unlovable or unworthy of love.

So, in true Whitney fashion, I got reallllllly good at being single. 
And I got reallllly good at pretending I was happy about it.

The reality of the situation and something it took me a long time to realize is that my singleness had nothing to do with my ability or inability to make a good wife.  It didn't matter where I fell on the scale of worthiness or love-ability.  And, God didn't care how "settled" I had decided I had become. 
In fact, He wanted me the opposite of settled.

I was single because that's where God wanted me.
I was single because that's where God needed me.
I was single because that's where I was most effective for the furthering of His kingdom.

When I realized this, and it took a severe smack in the face to do it, I came to the conclusion that I could either waste my time or work with my time.  Wasting my time consisted of what I had been doing, i.e. fighting with God, being sad, wallowing, etc.  Working with my time meant listening to the Lord's direction for my life and doing what I was called to do.  

 So many articles I've read in my lifetime talk about "oh just stop looking and you'll find your person" or "you have to be happy single first" and I just call bull.  The real deal is that wanting to be married and following God's direction in your life are not mutually exclusive.  Now, I found happiness (as happy as I could be) in my single life.  But, it wasn't because I decided to be happy alone, it was because I decided to be happy in Him.  In Jesus.  And rejoice in the fact that I was where I was supposed to be no matter what happened - whether I got married or not.

So, friend, if you're single, no matter what age or stage of life you're in.  I see you.  I know where you are.  I know where your mind goes late at night, on holidays, on birthdays, on Friday nights, on Tuesday grocery shopping trips, on bill paying day, on random days when someone at work gets flowers.  I know you and I love you.   And I promise you this: you are wonderful and you are loved.  And you are called to be so much more than your singleness.  I don't know if you'll get married, but I do know that you are loved and worthy and amazing even if you never do.  

Live God's plan for your life with grace, with intention, and with joy. 
Everything else will fall into place.